Introspection of 2023

Happy New Year, everybody! I hope you all had an amazing time ushering in the new year. I know I did.

Part of my festivities is to fill out my year-at-a-glance journal, where I enter favorite/important events of the year, new friends, what I want to change in the new year, and lessons I learned. As I filled out the events and lessons sections, I was blown away by how much my life changed, both my stage of life and my internal life.

This past May, I graduated high school, and this August, I took my first college class. That in itself was a huge step for me. No longer did I have to go to school, I could go to school if I wanted. And in the process of applying for college, my parents had me make the phone calls myself. I hate phone calls. If I grew in only one area during my college classes, it was in phone calls.

Then during my classes (I only took two, just for fun), I found myself spending more and more time at the computer, straining my eyes and nerves on something that was supposed to be fun. After all, they were up my alley: web design and Photoshop. What made it a chore was when I started putting it over things that I consider more important, like reading my Bible and writing.

It took me a long time to realize it, and only when classes were finally over. I could finally relax and breathe! I could write for two hours, instead of toiling away on the computer. When I started planning my next semester, it hit me. I needed to get my priorities straight. My writing had also become a chore, with almost army-straight goals and routines. I finished a novel in two months, when it usually takes me five, at least.

Christmas break was a real breathing point, one where I could focus on getting my priorities sorted out. Here are the biggest insights that time gave me:

• I decided since I don't need to go to college, that I will wait until my writing is developed more.

• With my new book, a high fantasy, I would take my time and not rush. All time goals are out the window. If I don't want to write, or it's not flowing, I don't beat myself up.

• My music could progress a little. I'm currently working on composing two songs, and I'm learning how to produce music. If possible, I would love to record at home.

• Above all things, trust God to open doors, and not try to push them open myself.

The last point was a real eye-opener. This year brought so many opportunities, ones that I could not have foreseen. I took those opportunities then tried to force more. I wore myself out trying, pushing myself, wearing my nerves thin. It took a good knock for God to tell me, "Hey, stop trying! You can't push open a locked pull door! I have the key, I will pull it open, I will guide you through. Rest in me."

Honestly, that was one of the most relieving discoveries of my life. I know, I know, you've probably been told to "wait for God to open doors." I have, too. But what we're told doesn't click, usually, right away. We have to experience them to understand what others have tried to pound into our hard heads.

Now that I have experienced trusting in God to open doors, I cannot go back without missing out on the sweet reliance and love that springs from trust. This trust has shaped my purpose for what I do, and I know it will strengthen me to walk through any door God opens for me. Whether it is getting students for my piano teaching, or self-publishing my book, I know God will work it all to happen in the right timing. This is what I mean to carry into the New Year with me.

What about you? How have you grown in 2023? Let me know in the comments. I would love to hear from you!